Kyle Troutman: Love opens all doors

Saturday, October 24, 2020

They say there is no force equal to the strength of a determined woman, and I learned last week the cliché couldn’t be more true.

On Oct. 16, my now-wife, Jordan Troutman (Privett), and I said our “I do’s” at Dogwood Canyon in Lampe. It was a beautiful, intimate, laugh-filled ceremony and reception. While not everything went exactly as planned, much like other weddings I’m sure, everything was natural, charming and close enough to planned that we had no complaints. In fact, we’ve rewatched parts of our video a few times already!

The glitches in our day came in the hours and minutes before the ceremony. There was a problem with our audio, as a bad extension cord had me fretting our music wouldn’t play when the time came. But that got sorted out quickly.

I also forgot in the car a charm I planned to add to my step-daughter’s bracelet. I had to send the best man back last minute to grab it for me. Luckily, it was right where I thought it was and that potential crisis was averted.

In the grand scheme, those issues were small potatoes. The real crisis was at home, about two hours before the ceremony was set to begin.

My beautiful bride-to-be messaged me, “Don’t forget the [marriage] license.”

I froze.

We hadn’t talked specifically about who was bringing the license, which was in a binder on the dresser in the bedroom, and it seems we both assumed the other half was going to do it.

I had stayed the night with my family in a lake house in the deep farm roads of Golden, about 45 minutes from our house. I thought by the point she messaged me, Jordan would be on her way to the venue to set up — and she was — so I was prepared to take a well-earned speeding ticket to be able to get to the house, get the license, then get to Dogwood by my expected time of arrival.

Alas, she said she would go back for it and I thought all was well. It wasn’t until after the ceremony, while we were taking pictures, that she mentioned, “So there’s kind of a story about our bedroom door I have to tell you.”

Apparently, during the hair and makeup phase, either my step-daughter or her friend, both 5 years old, hit the lock button on our bedroom door. And, on her way out of the house, Jordan shut all the bedroom doors to keep the dogs out of the beds, unknowingly locking everyone out of our bedroom.

Door locked and wedding certificate trapped inside, she raced to retrieve a bobby pin and attempted to pick the lock, but she had no luck.

At that point, my one-and-only made a decision — this door shall not stand.

She executed three Chuck Norris style roundhouse kicks to the door near the knob, something I wish we had on video, but still had no luck.

With time running short and out of desperation, she used another tact. Backing up into our kiddo’s room, about 15 feet from the door, she sprinted at it three more times and delivered her best Tamba Hali shoulder tackles.


The certificate exactly where it was supposed to be, and she was on her distressed, yet merry way.

On Sunday, I came home to assess the damage. Much to my surprise, the latch was gone. I searched for it for a while but gave up, and it wasn’t until later in the day I happened to move something and found it under the bed, clear across the room.

Luckily, the door was still in good enough shape I was able to repair it. This time, I installed a knob with a keyed entry from the other side, just in case we ever find ourselves in a similar predicament.

Jordan asked me a few times after the story came out if I was mad she busted down our door. I wasn’t. Quite the contrary, I was extremely impressed!

When it comes to crossing thresholds, she is most definitely a keeper. And if you are a locked door blocking her from something she needs — watch out.

Kyle Troutman has served as the editor of The Monett Times since 2014. In 2017, he was named William E. James/Missouri Outstanding Young Journalist for daily newspapers. He may be reached at 417-235-3135 or editor@monett-times.com.

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